In a recent experiment, men were asked to rank how attractive they found photographs of different women’s faces. The photos were eight by ten inches, and showed women facing the camera or turned in three-quarter profile. Unbeknownst to the men, in half the photos the eyes of the women were dilated, and in the other half, they were not.The men were consistently more attracted to the women with dilated eyes. Remarkable, the men had no insight into their decision making. None of them said, “I noticed her pupils were two millimeters larger in this photo than in this other one.” Instead, they simply felt more drawn toward some women than other, for reasons they couldn’t quite put a finger on.

So who was doing the choosing? In the largely inaccessible workings of the brain, something knew that a woman’s dilated eyes correlates with sexual excitement and readiness. Their brains knew this, but the men in the study didn’t — at least not explicitly.

We are not all mind readers but we are all brain readers. We are influenced by how others feel, this happens automatically and it is not necessary to be conscious of this. When we are talking to a loved one and they see something they like, their pupils dilate. When a loved one’s pupils dilate, we experience the excitement they feel because of empathy. Empathy developed before language in a part of our brain that controls the many automatic processes within us such as attraction or fear. Even mice feel empathy.

What happens inside of us automatically changes what is happening in the brains of those around us. I have heard 60% of what people communicate is non-verbal.  How we feel, has a great influence over others. People get how we feel. They feel it too.

A woman looked at my lips and then into my eyes, I noticed her pupils dilate. She did not have to say a word. I silently gasped. My brain had released neurotransmitters, dopamine and nor epinephrine, these gave a feeling of excitement and heightened perception.

Even when we do not touch, we feel each other. I continued to talk with the lovely woman and noticed she had more pupil dilation because her brain noticed my pupils, even though she was listening to what I was saying and thinking of a response. Now her brain was producing the same chemistry and response, I was having automatically. This is natural.

We continued to talk and as we felt each other more, we released endorphins and enkephalins, these powerful natural narcotics gave us a sense of comfort, safety and well-being.

The process of facial recognition and body language is something that speaks many volumes. Some volumes can be about things we have no control of like where circulation is in our face. To be able to communicate so that we are successful, we may want to improve how we feel about ourselves in relationships with others, so they are able to feel good because we feel comfortable. If we are not comfortable, others will feel uncomfortable because of empathy and we may lose out.

There is a way to have the feelings we want to have in all of these important situations. To create the feelings we want to have automatically, the ones that speak volumes and change our reality, we can now use the non-verbal exercises Cerebrology offers and I encourage you to try them now.