How we feel about ourselves in our body, will give us confidence, not words.

If our thoughts were words we would not have problems finding words to express our thoughts. Some of our thoughts may be words sometimes but there is much more we have that is added to each thought, a feeling, a picture, memories of emotions and even feelings about our self mixed in.

Many people teach that if we play the right words in our head we will have confidence. The part of our brain that uses words may be one of the most easily accessible because of what we have been trained but it is not the part of our brain that creates confidence.

Words can stimulate thoughts but the part of our brain that is creating our experience, is not using words. Words would be much too slow to use to change our chemistry, heart rate, circulation or give us a feeling we perceive as the value and meaning of the facial expression on the person across from us…of all the things that change the lens we use to automatically perceive others, the most powerful alteration to our perceptions is created by the software we use to give us a sense of self and an understanding of our relationship to the person we are looking at.

The lens we use to view our world alters us. The “lens” (limbic system) is the part of our brain that instantly orchestrates how we prepare after it sees something. The lens gets information first and it see’s what we look at before our visual cortex gets the picture. The “lens” will prepare us differently for every relationship we have with people or objects.

The preparation alters how we feel inside and how we feel about what we are looking at. That is how the “lens” is adding value and meaning to what we see. This automatic part of us gives us a feeling of being timid or confident.

Most of the software our lens uses, was created in the same way as animals developed theirs, from having empathy for our parents and understanding their feelings in relationships.

Our lens determines our reactions, perceptions, emotions and also gives us what others would describe as our “energy”.  Confidence is created by our “lens” it is part in parcel of our perceptions and preparations because it is “how we experience” something and “how we experience” something changes the options of experiences we may have.

I remember an interview someone did with a monk in Tibet. When the interviewer asked what the monk could tell him of enlightenment, the monk told him, there are no words, just an experience.

If we want to have the ability to enhance how we experience ourselves, we have to be in touch with the parts of our brain that create our experience. To start being more in touch with the part of us that creates our experience, let us connect more deeply with ourselves in ways that are beyond words, in so doing we can more fully open our heart. The thoughts we have that are not words are as easily accessed as words.

Understanding what is going on deep inside, we are able to examine how “who we are” and “how we experience” ourselves is the theme to our life. The part of us that creates our theme and directs our intent also makes simple decisions for us.

We understand that even a simple decision about which hand we will use to touch something….is created in a non-verbal part of our brain 6 or 7 seconds, before we “think” we decide. The decision we believe we make in thought, is an afterthought.

The parts of our brain that create fear, hunger, desire, compassion, jealousy, insecurity, tension, creativity, risk taking, desire for comfort, love, our body image, our self image, our sense of safety, security, home, family, feeling wanted, feeling appreciated, feeling desirable, feeling lovable, feeling joy, happiness, sadness, loss, grief, bliss, gratitude, connection or separation all create the lens we use to see who we are and what our place is in the world. Our lens (or limbic system) gives us emotions and feelings that can create a harsh reality of darkness or add color to our palette that allows us to draw beauty and love to us.

How we experience ourselves is reflected in what we see. We create a world that validates the feelings we have. When we have new feelings about ourselves, we create a different life.

We can rewrite the software or code that we use to give us our experience of ourselves and the world. Having the ability to rewrite insecurities, an erroneous body image, erroneous fears, feelings of jealousy, shame or lack of pride will easily improve how we experience ourselves and the world.

When “how we experience ourselves in relation to others” has clarity: 1) we are capable of understanding what we really want 2) we are capable of creating what we want and 3) we find ourselves automatically having what we want.

There is not a part of us that is afraid to have someone close or to see how beautiful we are, how much we are loved, heard, needed and cared for.

A dog may not be able to tell us that it’s lonely and defensive but we understand. It is this part of us that “understands” others, that also automatically creates what others understand about us. A defensive dog has an experience of itself that does not allow it to 1) understand what it really wants 2) create good experiences and 3) automatically have good experiences.

A dog may not tell us it is lovable and wants to be loved, but we understand. The dog’s experience of itself in relation to us will create options of experiences for both and the dog to enjoy. This dog has an experience of itself that 1) allows it to understand what it wants 2) allows him to have what he wants 3) automatically creates what he wants.

When we have this clarity we are able to create some wonderful things.

I look forward to writing part 4 of Confident and I hope it will make a great enhancement to your life. There will be exercises in it.